Every society has its own social expectation of what a child should be at what age, what traits to exhibit for what reason, the limits to what a child is allowed to say or do in varying situations, and sometimes, what purpose a child ought to be raised for. However, the Islamic society takes a more distinct approach. There would naturally be similarities, but the goal of the Muslim parent in raising children should not be to simply pass down cultural ideologies of what they perceive Islam to be about, but rather, to raise righteous Muslims who not merely identify culturally with Islam, but also understand the core principles of the faith and are willing to walk in accordance with the path of righteousness as prescribed by the Almighty.
On that note, in as much as parents ought to have high goals and expectations for their children in this dunya (earthly world), like pursuing careers in medicine, law, engineering among other professions, they should not take precedence over the primary goal- to serve God. This goal should be a constant reminder of their very purpose of being brought forth to earth.
The book brings to fore the concept of parents as shepherds, in much the same way as a farmer is responsible for his crops. He explains that Allah has gifted not all, but some couples with the gift of children, and to honour this gift, He has entrusted them with the social, emotional, psychological, ethical, moral and spiritual upbringing of these gifts, in accordance with His prescription in the Quran, and bearing in mind the divine rights bestowed on them, which are not subject to whatever views or ideologies any individual or community holds about life. This borders upon termination of pregnancy on account of poverty, as every child, once a soul has been given, even before birth, has a divine right to life. This point buttresses the need for intentionality and consciousness on the part of parents even while picking a spouse, up until the point of conception and then raising the child.
Muftahuddeen goes on to reiterate the Islamic belief that children are not only a gift from God, but a source of trial and an opportunity to gain more rewards from the Almighty. To cement his point, he uses some verses of the Quran where Allah says that indeed no man would be admitted into paradise without first being tested, and that His trials would come in different ways; fear, poverty, loss of life, wealth and properties, loss of children, and even loss of crops, but that He would never test any soul beyond what he is unable to bear. He explains that while raising a child is a test from Allah, and a lot of parents are already doing poorly in this test, some are excelling and gaining much more rewards from their creator.
In the next chapters of the book, the author introduces the Islamic formula to raising a righteous child. This formula was broken down into three phases of the child’s life; the first seven years, when parents are advised to play with their kids, make them laugh and engage in fun activities as much as possible, the next seven, which falls between age 7-14, when parents should begin to discipline their child in the appropriate manner, teach them how to pray and also how to handle responsibilities, and finally the third phase from age 14-21, when major changes in a child’s physical, mental, emotional and social development occur, and where parents are advised to spend more time relating with them, getting to know who their friends are and most especially, being a source of guidance and support. At this phase, a parent ought to respect the child’s opinion, even while they guide them through the realities of life.
The author brings the book to an end with clear admonition to parents on certain parameters to cover in their quest to raising a righteous child the Islamic way, some of which include; leading by example, effective communication and approach to different matters, inculcation of taqwa in their children (the fear of Allah), building intimacy, support, encouragement, provision of sound education and prioritizing health and well-being of the child, and the last, but certainly not the least, imbibing the culture of praying with their children, seeing as prayer and supplication to God is said to be the weapon of a believer.
Something particularly catchy about this piece, is the chapter Muftahuddeen talks about equality in the eyes of Allah, regardless of age, gender or even achievement. Hence, parents are mandated by Allah, not only to deal fairly amongst their kids, but to also attend to the needs of each child as is necessary.
Overall, this book is a very comprehensive guide for Muslim parents seeking the best formula to raising a righteous child.
About the Reviewer:
Azeezat Olayinka Okunlola is a Nigerian writer, poet, blogger, columnist and content strategist who has been shortlisted for the Glass Door Poetically Written Prose Contest and featured in Kalahari Review, AFAS Review (Issue 2), Pin Quarterly Journal (Issue 8), The Year of the Poet (Inner Child Press Magazine), Save Our Future Initiative, and Communicator’s League Journal, amongst other literary awards. She is the author of a striking novella- Red Fuse Trip.